What if...

I tend to use the time I'm in the car to think. It's a good a place as any. It's warm, it's comfortable and more often than not, I'm on my own. Just recently, I've noticed that the things I think about aren't exactly... normal.

I think about the best things that could happen, I think about the worst things that could happen. I think about myself and about other people. I have scenarios planned out. I have dialogue. Am I going mad?!

What would happen if I got sacked?
Where would I live?
Would N stay with me?
What would I do if we broke up?
How would it feel if my parents died?
Would I know who to turn to?
Would they know what to do?
Am I doing the right thing with my life?
Should I jack it all in, move and do something else?
Do my friends really like me?
Am I good at my job or do I just think I am?
When I look at someone on the street and think to myself, oh my god, I'm glad I'm not as fat as her... am I actually as fat as her and I just don't realise it?
How do other people see me?
Will I age gracefully?
Will I ever have the life I want?
What would my ideal house be like?
Can you imagine living with N for the rest of your life?
What would you do if you suddenly came into money?
What are you doing with your life?

I think I need to stop thinking and start doing!

The one where I pretend I know what I'm talking about...

James at The Ink has shamelessly stolen other people's ideas (alright, asked nicely for people to give their ideas... I'm just sore because mine wasn't chosen) and written a post of his top tip golden blogging rules.

For what it's worth, here are mine...

• Blog interesting
• If you don't think you're very interesting, invent a new persona... Contortionist? Burlesque dancer? Accountant? Whatever floats your boat.
• Don't worry too much about blogging regularly. Real life does happen. You will have other things that keep you busy. It's not your job. Like all hobbies, blogging can't take over your life.
• Be part of the community dude... that means reading other people's blogs, that means commenting and that means actually be interested in other people - it's not all about you, despite what you might think.
• Make sure your writing is readable. No txt spk hr - I dnt udersnd it (is that right?). I understand l33tspe3k even less. i \/\/3\T t0 tH3 5h0p2 t0d4Y 4\d 80U9hT 4 l04f 0F 8r34D just won't cut it. Remember what your teacher taught you.
• Realise this is the internet - you never know who's reading. No matter how much you try and keep your blog quiet, it's likely that someone you know will, at some point, read it. Write accordingly. Don't censor your work, just think how it would feel if you found your name blazed across some internet site. Use pseudonyms.
• Don't let the bastards grind you down. Occasionally in the big bad world of the internet, you're going to come across people you don't like. Solution? Easy. Don't visit their site again. It's ok not to like people, you don't have to beat yourself over the head about it.
• If you're having a bit of a brain-freeze, look at the news, look at other blogs, look up random words... or, if all else fails, go and find a meme to answer.
• It doesn't matter what you blog about as long as it's your own perspective on something. The reason people read your blog is because they want to know what you think... not what Norma Major said about Edwina Currie (or whatever)
• No matter how dull you think a subject is, I bet you can make it interesting.

Gosh, that's all a bit too serious for me. Sorry.

Normal service will be resumed once I a) start following all my rules from above and b) think of something worthwhile to write about.

About another 3 days then...

Respite

The cold wind whips the cobwebs tangled in my brain.

A head rush from the hastly snatched cigarette.

An aching body from Sunday's exertions.

It's been a bit of a strange weekend but I think we've sorted it out. It's not something he can just get over. But we're talking about it.

And I'm grateful it's not me making him feel like this.

*no title*

It comes on suddenly. I never know where from. I don't know what triggers it. All I know is that it changes you. You become someone from a different place. I can't talk to you. You can't look at me. Your words hurt me. I cry inside. I know you don't mean it and I know you can't help it.

I want to help you but don't know where to start.

Can it be true...?

Picture shamelessly stolen from Mzungu Chick but I'm sure she won't mind!

Finally, Odinga and Kibaki have signed a deal. It's a start. That has to be a good thing. The most exciting thing for me is the fact that hopefully the Kenyan people can start getting back to normal now.

My mother called me. She said that John and Daniel were "jumping round the garden". And that's what it's all about. The sense of relief felt by the Kenyan people must be immense. As I browse through my "Kenyan" blogs, I almost feel as if a huge weight has been lifted. There are questions that still remain of course but hopefully now, Kenya can start answering them.

PS the 'real' post I was going to write today can be written later.

Help save the Mara...

picture (c) The Mara Conservancy

Richard Leakey and friends over at Wildlife Direct have highlighted the problems facing the Mara due to the recent troubles in Kenya. The massive decline in tourists means that the management of the Mara are facing financial difficulties. As a result, it's looking like they won't be able to pay for the important things that keep the park what it is (such as poacher patrols, fire breaks etc).

You can find out more information about what they need money for and how you can help here.

If you do one good thing today, let it be donating $10 (£5) to this cause.

My weekend in statistics

City travelled to: Dublin
Girls on trip: 12
Hours away: 50
Hours spent in airports: 10
Hours spent in air: 2
Rooms stayed in: 2
Hangovers: 2
Bloody Marys consumed to counteract hangovers: 7
Rugby matches watched: 3
Rugby matches remembered: 0
Scotsmen met: 10 million
Passports lost: 1 (not mine)
Phones lost: 1 (again, not mine)
Average price (in Euros) per drink: 6
Things I never thought I'd see, seen: 3

Ah yes, the weekend was grand. Expensive beyond belief but grand none the less. Despite being delayed, having a plane break on us and staying in a cardboard box room with a wooden mattress I think a good time was had by all.

It was strange though, Dublin has a reputation for being a friendly city, welcoming to all. However, all members of the girlie group commented on the fact that there were a couple of periods when we felt damn uncomfortable being there.

It surprised me that people were openly hostile towards us, because we were English. If we were, say, football fans, largered up, fists at the ready, I might be able to understand it (although I would never condone violence). As it was, 12 rugby girls on a mission of fun is hardly your likely target for animosity, is it? Members of the group were called "bitches", "whores", "bloody English sluts" and a hand was even raised on one occassion.

It didn't stop us having fun of course but I just wonder where this hatred has come from or, was it always there and I have just been oblivious?

I know someone what did something good

Was very pleased to see my very good friend's sticking it to the Government. Pah! Knew we couldn't trust them.

P.S. Oh and by the way, in my eyes, there are a couple of things more to life than shoes. Chocolate and red wine for starters ;)