What if...
I tend to use the time I'm in the car to think. It's a good a place as any. It's warm, it's comfortable and more often than not, I'm on my own. Just recently, I've noticed that the things I think about aren't exactly... normal.
I think about the best things that could happen, I think about the worst things that could happen. I think about myself and about other people. I have scenarios planned out. I have dialogue. Am I going mad?!
What would happen if I got sacked?
Where would I live?
Would N stay with me?
What would I do if we broke up?
How would it feel if my parents died?
Would I know who to turn to?
Would they know what to do?
Am I doing the right thing with my life?
Should I jack it all in, move and do something else?
Do my friends really like me?
Am I good at my job or do I just think I am?
When I look at someone on the street and think to myself, oh my god, I'm glad I'm not as fat as her... am I actually as fat as her and I just don't realise it?
How do other people see me?
Will I age gracefully?
Will I ever have the life I want?
What would my ideal house be like?
Can you imagine living with N for the rest of your life?
What would you do if you suddenly came into money?
What are you doing with your life?
I think I need to stop thinking and start doing!
5 cowpats:
You're suffering from living in the Western world in the 21st century. Not that bad a fate, considering what the alternatives are (just think anaesthetic - that usually makes me grateful to be who I am). Without knowing you I can't help you with some of your questions, but I can tell you what it's like when your parents die. Mine died within a month of each other, of unrelated illnesses when I was in my late 30s. Who did I turn to? Camilla, obviously, and her wonderful parents, and my siblings, and various friends. But the human brain (or mine at least) seemed to portion out the grief in manageable helpings - it wasn't ovewhelming, but it did take time to work through. But I agree with your conclusion - stop thinking and start doing. Trouble is, that's not normally recommended when you're driving.
Hey Edward... I don't think I'm looking for the answers to my questions - I don't think I really know the answers myself. I am sorry to hear about your parents. Similar has happened to friends on mine (maybe why it prays on my mind?) and I know that friends would probably be my first point of call too.
As for the doing. No, probably not best to do it when stuck in traffic on the A3!
"Not normal" ? Not normal to have these thoughts running through your head ? You're a lucky lady if you think that. It's enirely normal, they're called little hang ups and we all have them.
Think yourself lucky you don't worry about whether your legs are hairy enough...that's one I used to have....
PS..sounds likey Kenya's really on the mend, which is great, great news.
What if your boyfriend was football player ?
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