Wanted: Mrs Mop

As I tip myself out of bed my foot connects with with something long and hard. And painful. Surely a hairbrush doesn't belong there?

I survey the room. A "clothes to be washed" pile. A "clothes to be put away" pile. A "clothes that belong in the dressing up box" pile. Walking through to the sitting room, a wine glass from last night stares accusingly at me from the table. A pile of mail which needs to be re-directed to wherever Ms Ida Green has moved on to.

I can't face the kitchen.

I am not slovenly by nature but I'm increasingly finding that I'm having less and less time to do the things that a good housewife (*ahem*) should. When I get home from work, the last thing I want to do is merrily don the marigolds and spend the next half hour underneath the loo, scrubbing away to my heart's content. I'm not some old scrubber y'know.

I've always seen myself as more of a sit-with-feet-up-watching-other-people-do-the-cleaning kind of a gal. So that's why I've come to the decision that I'm going to have to get myself a lady what does. I'm sufficiently right-wing in outlook not to have pangs of guilt about this, however, I do have a number of stipulations.

1. Mrs Mop must infact be a Mr Mop
2. Wearing a small pinny
3. Topless
4. Oh, and I'd have to vet him before he starts for "ease on the eye" credentials.

Apparently there's a market for this sort of thing...

Once upon a time I had time to do this. One day soon in the future I will again.

Until I move house and get my new computer, however, I'm going to have to close the blog. Temporarily you understand. And not like you'll notice since I haven't updated in oooo.... 2 months!

I move on Saturday and should be computered up by next month. I'll see you all then.

The trouble with rented accommodation
Part one: furniture






These beauties currently reside in our sitting room. Note the tasteful cushions. Marvel at the way in which the fabric matches the tatty rug. Oh yes, a sight to behold.

I can't wait until I can afford my own place.

The times they are a changin'

But I can't say too much about it though yet, so I won't.

Hope you don't mind too much :)

I'm surprised you're not all grouped round me in a circle, poking me with a muddy stick and chanting "liar, liar, pants on fire".

Despite the lovely day off I had last week, I didn't manage to get near a computer and a) update myself with goings on in blogland or b) update you (all three of you) on what's been going on chez cow.

What was I doing, I hear you cry (crying's right, not sure if you're crying for more information or in distress).

I would like to tell you the reason is that I was lying in bed all day, being pampered by a naked contingent from the England rugby team. I would be lying.

I would like to tell you that I was over in Italy, stuffing myself on good wine and food in the blazing sunshine with the boy by my side. I would be lying.

I would like to tell you that I didn't spend my day off on my hands and knees cleaning the carpet in my room, dusting and generally making things look very tidy. I would also like to tell you that it stayed dust free all day and didn't suddenly look worse five seconds after I had cleaned it. But I can't.

So yes, the guilty secret is out. What did I do on my day off? Clean.

Am I turning into my mother?

I've managed to wangle me a day off tomorrow. Cue boredom and lots of irrelevant and banal posting.

What's in a name?

1. I am named after a Shakespearean heroine who dressed up as a boy
2. I have 2 middle names - Frances and Rebecca
3. I live in London with my saint-like other half
4. I still don't have any brothers or sisters
5. 2 other people have lived with my family (instead of their own) for one reason or another.
6. I have an unhealthy obsession with gin and tonic, red wine, port and cheese
7. I started smoking when I was 13
8. I started drinking about the same time
9. My father is an orphan
10. He was one of the first people to be adopted in Ireland
11. My perfect threesome would be Mark Cueto and Ben Cohen
12. I have an un-natural obsession with crap cheesy pop
13. And am quite happy to admit I know most of the words to most songs
14. It annoys me when people try to sing along but don't know the words
15. If I could live at any time period I would live in the late 1800's and I would be very rich
16. I love flirting with people
17. It doesn't matter if they are good looking or not
18. I hate letting people down
19. But I sometimes do it
20. I always complain I am getting old even though I am under 30
21. I hate the fact that my parents must know I am not a virgin anymore (virgin' on the ridiculous)
22. I can translate latin given enough time
23. I have known some people from the internet longer than I have known some of my closest friends
24. I can be a complete bitch if I want and I don't care who knows it
25. I could speak Husa (Nigerian dialect) before I could speak English
26. I then moved onto Spanish when I was 2 1/2 and my English was rudimentary
27. I now have a degree in English and can't speak languages to save my life
28. I don't really have any deep dark secrets
29. I play rugby
30. That does not make me a lesbian
31. Sometimes I worry about nothing, just for the sake of worrying
32. I am not a career woman - never have been
33. I can't wait to be able to settle down in a nice house in the countryside
34. I don't understand what N sees in me
35. I'm getting old before my time - sometimes I'd rather stay at home with a good film and a glass of wine, rather than go out with my friends
36. I want to be popular
37. I'm very argumentative when I'm drunk

EDIT: UPDATED NOV 2007
EDIT: UPDATED FEB 2008