I know it's tapping in horribly to the current zeitgeist but please can I just make it completely public how much I hate Valentine's day. And no, not for the normal reasons of it's too commercial and we should love each other no matter what day it is bollocks.

No, I hate Valentine's day because, if I don't get anything, I get grumpy.

Like now.

Grr.

me: I have no odd quirks whatsoever
her: yes, dear, you go on believing that. We'll just point and laugh
me: you're metaphorically patting me on the head, aren't you?
her: maybe...

I might have been lying. I am sure that somewhere underneath this very complex (yet stunningly beautiful) being that there are elements of weirdness. I just can't think of any.

I mean, come on, I had a happy childhood, my parents are still together, I don't have an axe murderer for a boyfriend (although this is yet to be proved. Another day with me might turn him, you never know).

I am moderately intelligent (despite the bad spelling) I got a solid drinking degree. I am of average height, average (ish) weight, brown hair, brown eyes. The only distinguishing feature is a scar on my arm where I had an injection.

When people met me, what do they think? Do they remember me or am I instantly forgettable? I think it's probably the latter. This is a very odd position to find myself in.

I have friends who, no matter what the subject, they can have something amusing and witty to say or write about it. Me? I struggle to pull a sentence together. (and yet I'm the one who insists on blogging. Oh the irony)

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if someone else lived it for you?

Gosh, this has turned into a hate-fest that I never expected it to...

I'm surprised you're not all grouped round me in a circle, poking me with a muddy stick and chanting "liar, liar, pants on fire".

Despite the lovely day off I had last week, I didn't manage to get near a computer and a) update myself with goings on in blogland or b) update you (all three of you) on what's been going on chez cow.

What was I doing, I hear you cry (crying's right, not sure if you're crying for more information or in distress).

I would like to tell you the reason is that I was lying in bed all day, being pampered by a naked contingent from the England rugby team. I would be lying.

I would like to tell you that I was over in Italy, stuffing myself on good wine and food in the blazing sunshine with the boy by my side. I would be lying.

I would like to tell you that I didn't spend my day off on my hands and knees cleaning the carpet in my room, dusting and generally making things look very tidy. I would also like to tell you that it stayed dust free all day and didn't suddenly look worse five seconds after I had cleaned it. But I can't.

So yes, the guilty secret is out. What did I do on my day off? Clean.

Am I turning into my mother?

I've managed to wangle me a day off tomorrow. Cue boredom and lots of irrelevant and banal posting.

Now I'm a manager, I'm far too busy and important to blog.

Someone has stolen my blog

I committed the cardinal sin. I went back to the past.

By use of the Internet Archive

I went back and looked at my history. It's a bit weird re-reading it all.

I read the day that I first met N when I was pissed off that I hadn't met anyone. I was in the midst of a dating phase bought on my a mad Australian friend of mine.

I read a couple of days later when I was a smitten kitten, skipping around in the first haze of lust.

I remembered the time when I caught him playing Jenga with my housemate and she took off all her clothes. I remember how much I hated her for it.

I remember the time we both first realised we loved each other.

I don't know if this reminiscing is a good thing? If I read further back, before I met N, I read about the hideous love life I used to have. How I was a complete idiot and let men walk all over me. I read that I used to fall heavily for men, for no particular reason. Somehow believing that if I gave them everything they asked for, they would want me, too.

Thankfully, you can never go back and change the past. And, in a deeply philosophical ending sentence, you can only learn from it.

(you have my permission to throw up now)

What's in a name?

1. I am named after a Shakespearean heroine who dressed up as a boy
2. I have 2 middle names - Frances and Rebecca
3. I live in London with my saint-like other half
4. I still don't have any brothers or sisters
5. 2 other people have lived with my family (instead of their own) for one reason or another.
6. I have an unhealthy obsession with gin and tonic, red wine, port and cheese
7. I started smoking when I was 13
8. I started drinking about the same time
9. My father is an orphan
10. He was one of the first people to be adopted in Ireland
11. My perfect threesome would be Mark Cueto and Ben Cohen
12. I have an un-natural obsession with crap cheesy pop
13. And am quite happy to admit I know most of the words to most songs
14. It annoys me when people try to sing along but don't know the words
15. If I could live at any time period I would live in the late 1800's and I would be very rich
16. I love flirting with people
17. It doesn't matter if they are good looking or not
18. I hate letting people down
19. But I sometimes do it
20. I always complain I am getting old even though I am under 30
21. I hate the fact that my parents must know I am not a virgin anymore (virgin' on the ridiculous)
22. I can translate latin given enough time
23. I have known some people from the internet longer than I have known some of my closest friends
24. I can be a complete bitch if I want and I don't care who knows it
25. I could speak Husa (Nigerian dialect) before I could speak English
26. I then moved onto Spanish when I was 2 1/2 and my English was rudimentary
27. I now have a degree in English and can't speak languages to save my life
28. I don't really have any deep dark secrets
29. I play rugby
30. That does not make me a lesbian
31. Sometimes I worry about nothing, just for the sake of worrying
32. I am not a career woman - never have been
33. I can't wait to be able to settle down in a nice house in the countryside
34. I don't understand what N sees in me
35. I'm getting old before my time - sometimes I'd rather stay at home with a good film and a glass of wine, rather than go out with my friends
36. I want to be popular
37. I'm very argumentative when I'm drunk

EDIT: UPDATED NOV 2007
EDIT: UPDATED FEB 2008